A Winding Path

I haven’t written much about my own personal journey as a psychologist. As I settle in to my sixth role in the world of psychology, with an expertise in health psychology and trauma, I often provide mentoring, supervision, and training to aspiring and developing psychologists. This leads me to reflect on my own journey and expectations of self, and it shows me how fluid and impactful this work can be.

Since I went to a small liberal arts college, I could major in anything as long as I fulfilled any basic requirements needed to go to graduate school - and BOY - was I lost. I’d been a high achieving kid who knew my purpose was to go to the best college I possibly could, but when I got there, I had NO IDEA what to do with myself. The paths offered by my family - medicine, law school, MBA - did not seem right. I wanted to work with children, I wanted to fix a government that only served those with money and power, and I wanted to “help people.” Naturally, medicine may have been the obvious choice, but I hated 10th grade biology so much that I had decided I could not possibly survive medical school. I loved to read, so I figured I’d go ahead and major in English and figure it out along the way.

Well, I did, but not how you might think. I studied Mandarin, thinking maybe I’d take over a family business, but then a summer in China that left me with a permanent medical condition stopped that in its tracks. I attempted a government major thinking I’d get involved in educational policy. Man, was that boring. I applied to a Master’s in Education program wanting to teach English & history to 7th and 8th graders. My family strongly advised against this.

During college, I navigated negative peer relationships, bullying, medical conditions, and more. This ultimately lead me to a semester abroad in Perth, Australia and then a semester off from college in Vermont (which clearly proved to me why I needed to go back to college) and then yet another semester abroad in Denmark. Ultimately, I made it back to college just in time to graduate with my class and that original English degree.

BUT I learned something important along the way.

I learned that I loved witnessing the characters in my novels grow and develop. I learned that I wanted to teach because one teacher had changed the course of my life when I was in 7th grade. I learned that I wanted to take over the family business because I wanted a future that allowed me to be connected to my family. And I learned that I wanted to get in to policy because I wanted to change systems to change lives.

That knowledge, and a little bit of luck, led me to apply to University of Vermont for my Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. You might think things made sense once I got there. But, well, they didn’t.

I had thought I’d get my PhD and become a professor at a liberal arts college. I’d impact students, do research to inform public policy, and (most importantly) be home by around 3PM. Unfortunately, that is not the part of my education that called to me. Fortunately, I discovered that working with patients did.

While in graduate school, I had the incredible good fortune to work with some impressive researchers and clinicians who taught me evidence based treatments for childhood behavior disorders, anxiety, depression, ADHD, and - most importantly - trauma. As a clinician on a project specifically designed for refugee and asylum seekers, I was able to learn cutting edge trauma treatments. I was hooked. I love treating trauma-related conditions be it PTSD, anxiety, depression, or adjustment concerns. My internship focused on trauma in children and adults, and my fellowship centered around forensic assessments with Georgia’s Department of Children and Families (DFCS). My first job continued the work I’d done on fellowship working with DFCS. It was great: trauma, trauma, trauma.

And then I had a kid.

Can you guess what happened when I had a kid? Well, I’ll tell you. All the empathy and objectivity I had for parents within the DFCS system was gone. Poof. I’m not proud of it, but I knew enough to get out. I could not ethically practice psychology in that setting any more. So I started looking for new positions. As luck would have it, I got a call one day from a start up primary care practice that was looking for a Behavioral Health Specialist, a role I had never heard of before. That is where my current chapter of life begins.

Since 2017, I have worked in a variety of integrated medical settings while also maintaining my private practice. While the healthcare organizations that I have worked with have changed names and locations over the years, I have consistently been grateful to work for companies that truly cared about our patients and that were out to change healthcare for the better. I have had the opportunity to do work that changes the way mental health care is delivered in primary care, transplant medicine, and geriatrics. Currently, I am at the front edge of developing quality care for people with Functional Neurological Disorders. I am getting to work with children, be a part of systemic change, and help people. If you’d told the 18-year-old version of me that this is how I would do it, I would have laughed in your face.

I am incredibly grateful to be here.

So I share this story for two reasons, for you to get to know who I am and what I stand for a little better and for you to see that following your values is not always a straight line towards an expected destination. Yet, if you keep making the next right choice, somehow you will probably find your way.